Ever since I can remember I’ve wanted to become a doctor. For some reason, my frequent brush-ins with medicine throughout my childhood didn’t scare me away from the field, but filled me with a love and passion for the biology and physiology involved in medical practice, as well as the care required to help patients. It was easy to answer uber drivers, great aunts, and the like when asked what my major/career path was; I was studying biology and was premed. Simple, planned out, impressive.
The thing is, when you have migraines nonstop, that isn’t very conducive to a hyper-rigorous course load. Last spring I had to reduce my credit plan to part-time studying for a semester, and it became clear that if I couldn’t get past chemistry 2, I’d never make it to medical school. There was a slow reckoning with the fact that I might have to let go of my dream. There are people who tell me that “the next treatment might work” or to “wait another semester” and as much as I appreciate the optimism and hope on my behalf, at this stage I needed to move along on my college journey and decide the best way I’d be able to make a living. I couldn’t become stuck in a cycle of endless hanging credits, migraines, denial, and extra semesters.
I’d always imagined college as hours in the lab, sitting in very specific classes about cancer or epidemiology, and studying anatomy. Now, college is a Russian language major and bio minor. I’m taking Tolstoy and Linguistics 101. As an honors student I was already taking a foreign language (Russian) mandatorily, and doing well, so it made sense to naturally transition from bio to Russian for my major and maintain and good GPA. I’m unsure whether I’ll get a masters in biology after undergrad, or if I’ll pursue linguistics, or something entirely different. But when people ask me what my major is, and then wonder why Russian, I hear “why did you let go of your dream?
I am frequently in hospitals and doctor’s offices and my urge to practice medicine has not declined at all. Passions don’t fade when they’re taken away from you by force. Everyone with chronic illness has experienced this to some extent whether it is that they’ve had to stop rock climbing, they’ve had to go on disability and stop being a chef, or they aren’t the mom the want to be. There is disappointment and frustration and the only thing we can do is try to cultivate excitement about the other things we have. If I end up teaching biology I don’t doubt that I will be happy. I’ll be influencing future doctors like the 9th grade bio student I was and doctor I thought I’d be. I’ll do something important and make a good life. But when people ask me what my major is, they’re asking me so much more.
Today’s tip:
- If you are in school and are struggling, seek out the office of student disabilities. They provide accommodations and support and help make classes infinitely more manageable.
Have a healthy productive week!
Going Against the 'Graine 